


Repeat

by simixh



Category: Minecraft - Fandom, Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Arguing, Betrayal, Graphic Description of Wounds and Violence, Internal Conflict, Lots of Angst, M/M, Secrets, Swearing, Unhealthy Relationships, Unrequited Love, somewhat happy ending?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-16
Updated: 2021-01-16
Packaged: 2021-03-14 16:20:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28798275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/simixh/pseuds/simixh
Summary: Dream has been wandering around the server for longer than he can remember. He saw people come and go, helped villages grow and watched them fall apart again. However, when he met George and Sapnap everything changed and for a moment he forgot about all what had happened. After some time the server started to be affected by the wars and never-ending problems, causing the citizens to go against each other. With betrayal, fights and despair came many destructive emotions. Trying to ignore them, Dream held onto what he believed was right until one day he couldn't bare it anymore and snapped.Because he had a long-hidden secret. A secret that caused too many deaths.
Relationships: Clay | Dream & GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream/GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF), Karl Jacobs & Sapnap, Karl Jacobs/Sapnap
Kudos: 50





	Repeat

**Author's Note:**

> This is not canon to the Dream SMP and just a made-up story. Please do not refer to it in donations or claim it as your own work. 
> 
> I want to add that I am not a native English speaker and am sorry for any grammatical errors, I've only read over it once. Feel free to correct and have fun reading.

The pain was too much, it was just too much.

Tommy had been messing with the wrong people to get out of the situation. And so did all the others. None of them realized that their play was over and it was time to bring order and structure back to his land when Dream's actions turned darker.

It was enough.

He began taking everything from them, leaving no one untouched by his doings. Once moving he didn't stop, breaking every rule there ever was and god forgive L'manburg after the war. It was all in pieces. It was gone. Just like people's hope.

A story wasn't hurting when there was no hope anymore. But it also wouldn't go on without it so the man didn't care about it.

He murdered one after one, not hesitating to take George's crown and slice Quackity's throat. He tortured Karl and let Sapnap watch. Eret saw his castle blow up and all of it while Dream painfully reminded Tubbo and Tommy it was all their fault.

Once it was over silence had taken over the grey days of the Dream SMP. The crater in the middle of their land was too huge and deep to ever be repaired, the smoke still blocking the sun days after. This was no peace, no win. This was pure destruction to suffocate the problem at its core.

Noone could do anything against it. Not Wilbur, not Tommy, not Techno or Phil, and not even what Dream once considered his closest friends. He really did lose all care for everything.

He ignored the smell of burned wood and leather in his nose as he stood over what once was Lmanburg. It was done. Everything was broken. He did it.

That's what he wanted. So it would stop hurting.

But something felt wrong.

He wanted to not care so badly but it took time to lose attachment to some people. He saw the anger burn in Sapnap eyes when he held the blade of his ax up to his throat. And he bitterly remembered George's broken voice asking him to just say how much he hated him. He had asked him to stop, not knowing what more he could have wanted than to break them. But Clay wanted it all. Not a single item should stand on this server that belonged to everyone.

Sometimes he closed his eyes and reminded himself of the furious glare Badboyhalo gave him as he began blowing up his mansion. He used it all, all the bad moments that should hurt him to punish himself for what he did. So he could make the pain in his chest go away.

YOU MONSTER, it rang through his head as in thoughts, Sapnap repeatedly yelled the same phrase at him over and over again.

George felt completely empty, his body felt foreign and his thoughts were silent for quite a time already. He couldn't think, it felt useless and too draining.

He rolled the little ring between his fingers to calm himself even though nothing happened. He felt the little stones rub over the surface of his fingertips, reminding him that he had still nerves in his hands and arms. He forgot about that sometimes.

It was the ring he valued the most since the start, a ring he gained from such a toxic relationship he never got a grip on. He didn't know why he still had it. Or more like why Dream didn't take it from him as well.

His eyes were fixed on the broken walls of Eret's once castle while he was sitting on a stone. He liked to come here since he felt a little safer in its ruins. Eret sometimes was there with him but only to try and remind himself of all the time he was king.

George wanted to be king again.

Everything was perfect at that time. He felt unbeatable.

He didn't move a single muscle as he heard shoes on the marble ground, walking into the place slowly. He thought it might be Eret again but no matter who it was, he didn't care.

He stopped rolling the ring and slowly put it against the palm of his hand, hiding it. He finally looked without actually moving his head and saw the person coming from the entrance.

He felt a wave of fear go through his body and nervousness when he recognized the dirty blond that he tried to forget all the time. He had his armor on and the shiny ax in his hand, as always. He would never take the risk of anyone trying to fight him even though he watched so carefully that no one gained a weapon or resource.

George tried to prevent the tears from dropping again, his face tense as he held back the cry in his throat. Every time. Every time, no matter how hard he tried he couldn't help but hurt as he looked at the man who spotted him and walked up to him.

His hand closed tighter around the metal in his palm and he waited for him to say anything. The silence was unbearable alone but almost suffocating when he stood with the other. He didn't want to cry again.

"George." Dream said, no emotion in his voice as if he spat out the name. It made George exhale uneasily.

After a few moments that Clay just stared down at him, George released his death grip on the ring and opened his palm, showing it in defeat. He would take it from him now. Then he'd had nothing anymore.

Dream didn't show any attempt to take it but the brunett let it slide from his fingers and land on the ground with a light thud. It jumped around a little until it came to rest on the cold stone, between them.

George felt like he let go a piece of his heart along with the ring but it made breathing easier. He felt like he was getting more air. But that maybe was because his breathing was slowly getting heavier and quicker. He wanted to hold back so bad.

Dream crouched and took the metal circle, remembering how he first held it in his hands. Images flashed before his eyes but he quickly closed his hand around it, crushing them as his fingers squeezed and pushed the diamonds into his skin.

When he stood back up George was looking up to him, just as lost and broken as all the others. His eyes were so dull yet so full of pain when he said, "Are you done playing?".

He didn't reply but stood still, his mask hiding his face like always.

"Is this it?" the brunett asked again but didn't expect an answer. It just felt better saying it out loud. He needed the confirmation.

But as he started he couldn't stop and questions flooded his mind, questions he spend hours thinking about. His mouth opened again, without hesitation.

"Why so suddenly, why did you end it?... What drove you so mad?..." he said rather than questioned him and felt his stomach ache. His body was working against him.

George didn't want to go that far but he finally let the thoughts come into the foreground he had pushed far back all this time. He was hurt. Because he really thought he and Dream had something special. That the man cared about him and... loved him.

He thought he loved him. He thought Dream would never hurt him. And he would give his world to him because he thought the latter would do so as well.

Hell, he missed the way he would lean against his back and crack bad jokes all the time. He missed when he was gentle, all the times he would smile and laugh with him.

He asked himself how he didn't see the sociopath behind that mask. How could he overhear the cold lies in his voice?

He almost saw it in front of him how they were in the community house so long ago, Dream leaning into him with a cocky grin George wanted to just wipe off his face. Now that he saw his battle and anger driven face he wished it back. He wanted his lips to curl up again and tell him he had done wrong and was sorry.

It was all a desperate fantasy he couldn't yet let go of.

"Who are you?" George mumbled when a tear rolled over his cheek, his eyes painted with regret and guilt.

Dreams muscles tensed and his grip around his ax became too tight. He debated silently with himself. On one side were his feelings. His reckless emotions that he wanted to give in to and on the other side was his mind and his goal.

He had been here before and knew the pain would go away eventually. The only difference was the last time he didn't learn from it and repeated the same mistake again. This time he wanted it to just be over. The pain to be over.

He never had problems with turning away when he needed to. Not ever had he stood straight for so long staring at a point and fought with himself so hard like now.

He turned away once, he could do it again. He also turned away from Sapnap. He turned away from Karl, Eret, Punz, and Fundy. He had turned away from George and burned for it all.

Finally. Yes, finally his body turned and he placed his foot to the side, wanting to go since he just came for the ring.

"What are you doing here?" Eret said with narrowed eyes, making Dream look up.

"I came here to get something." Dream answered plainly, wondering how he got the sudden confidence to speak normally again.

"I bet you have it already so you can leave." the man told him with a strong voice. Even though he lost everything, he was looking Dream in the eyes. He didn't try to overpower him but he stood on eye level with him and didn't back down as long as they weren't using violence.

Dream ignored it and started making his way back out, feeling the now warm metal in his hand. He had turned away again. And he made sure he'd pay for it later.

George, however, closed his eyes and sank a little bit further in his place, letting his head hit the wall.

"Are you ok?" Eret asked. It sounded as if he just saved George from getting beaten up or something. The pure idea of Dream being a thread to him hurt even more. Who was he kidding, everything hurt.

"What did you have?" he asked again, sitting down on the floor and seeing how George clenched his hand around the chain around his neck and his hoddie. This is where the ring was all this time since George had been scared to lose it otherwise.

"Him." he sobbed, covering his eyes with his arm and taking an uneasy breath.

Eret wasn't sure if he understood but he wanted to rather not ask. He stayed seated and looked around his old home. He wasn't mad that George was here so often and that he considered it once his castle. After all, Dream did the decision, not he. And if it made him feel better he wouldn't take it away after they all lost everything.

He felt empathy with the boy.

Dreams steps silenced when he stepped on the grass. The wooden path once there was just as miserable as everything else. Walking on it was almost impossible sometimes. Everywhere holes.

He walked deep in thoughts, his emotions continuously messing with him while he walked past Quackity, not sparing him a look.

He reached the metal wall that was once part of a house and that now stood in his way. At that point anger boiled in his stomach, anger on himself and his actions. This time it was quicker than he could react to so he simply reached out and rammed his right fist into the wall.

He put the energy into that punch that rushed in his veins and felt immense pain running up to his elbow and shoulder as he pulled his hand out of the dent, cringing at the view of open wounds on his knuckles.

He opened his fingers, looking at the ring that was left untouched for some reason and that had pushed itself even further into his skin, leaving a bruise where the diamond sat.

Regardless he let his arm drop to his side, feeling like it was completely useless. It was now. He felt pain.

The sound was pretty loud too, making the Mexican that was watching hold his breath and watch carefully. It could be heard even further.

For once after a long time Dream looked like he had some like of feeling to him. Like a human. But that didn't mean that he cared. He was only curious to know the reason for his slight rage so openly.

As he walked on, Dream started to lose feeling in his fingers and only looked down when he heard the ring fall to the ground. He picked it up with his other hand and looked at the right one.

His fingers were red and bruised, the blood on his knuckles already dry. A little further back, his hand was slightly swollen and his wrist hurt bad, along with his elbow.

He shouldn't have done that. But he deserved it.  
___________

What happened to your hand, Dream could almost hear the thought going through Sapnap's mind but he wasn't saying it out loud when his eyes wandered back up to make eye contact.

The younger wouldn't give in so quickly.

"Why are you here," he asked instead and Quackity looked at Badboyhalo, not knowing how to act.

It always was the same question everybody asked him once they saw him. They were always expecting him to take something and go again. To steal.

"I know you have the sword." Clay responded and Sapnaps fist tightened slightly but he wouldn't let his anger take over. "Give it to me."

When Sapnap didn't reply or showed any attempt to obey him, Dream began to threaten him. "Or we can do it the hard way."

"It's in the chest." he said and the blonde's head turned to the said chest, walking up to it slowly. He reached out to open it, feeling a slight sting in his hand and freezing for a second before he pulled his hand back and opened it with the other one.

In it were a few wooden blocks and food. Somewhere between it was the sword, which he took and put away. It felt weird mostly using his left hand.

With no other comment, he left again and once he was out of range Bad let out a heavy sigh. "Do you think something happened? Did he-" he said addressing the hand but Quackity shook his head.

"It's his blood. I saw how he punched the wall yesterday." he explained. It sounded somewhat stupid as he spoke it out loud.

"You mean the dent on the prime path?" Bad asked confused and the other nodded.

"Why would he do that? His hand must hurt a lot. It looked bad." he said and Sapnap turned to close the chest again the man left open.

"He doesn't care for us so why should we?" he asked loudly, anger playing in his voice and mirroring in his face. He was sick and tired of all of this. He had enough of the bullshit.

"Do you really think so?" Bad asked and made Sapnap look up.

"Of course. Why would it be otherwise, he killed Karl, he killed me! He took everything away from us and left us all, do you really believe he gives a single fuck about us?" he asked in rage and Bad seemed to overthink it.

"He destroyed our lives and for what?! For power? For fun? What for?!" he yelled and Quackity raised his hands into the air.

"Woah! Calm down man, screaming won't solve the problem." he said and Sapnap turned away, his jaw tense as he pressed his teeth together.  
___________

"George."

The Brit flinched when he heard his name and slowly turned around, looking at the dirty blond with shaking limps. He didn't know what he wanted from him. He had nothing.

Did he come to kill him?

No one was around so he couldn't ask for help, even though all help would be useless.

All those thoughts ran through his head as his eyes widened with fear.

Without another word Dream let his weapon fall to the ground and collapsed in front of him, his leg giving in, causing him to fall into the wall next to them.

Out of pure reflex, George tried to catch him, slowly bringing him down on the ground to sit.

Dream was hurting. His body felt on fire and he couldn't take it anymore, his chest and back constantly arching in pain. The pain of the server. He felt it all.

He felt it always and that's why he needed it to stop. It only got worse and he thought if he gets everything to a stop it would go away. But he was so wrong. He felt the anger and fear of the people, their pain and wounds like they were his own.

And right now he didn't want to bear it anymore.

"Oh God.." George muttered when he put the man's weapon further away and pulled the mask off his face. He didn't even hesitate, though just seconds ago he had feared for his life.

"Dream?" he looked for a reaction and saw Clay close his eyes and mouth something he couldn't make out, dropping his head back. Against all the odds, he couldn't help but care that moment. Care for the man he once adored so much.

"Do you have a regeneration potion? Or gapples? Just eat something and it'll-" he said and pulled the small bag on his hip open, trying to find something but was pulled into a hug by two strong arms.

He felt his hands push against his back and froze, not understanding what was happening. Slowly, he pulled his arms up, which were awkwardly trapped between them, and brought them up, placing them around his shoulders.

It had been so long since he last hugged someone, especially since he felt Dream in his arms. He was hesitating to pull him closer, feeling his head buried in his own shoulder. But after a bit, he relaxed and accepted it as it was.

His breathing was shaking and he held back tears, hearing Clay reach for air next to him. He pulled away as Dream brought a hand between them, pulling his hoodie in pain.

George tried to make out what was happening. He wasn't necessarily hurt, only his hand. So why was he in pain?

"It's ok, just.." George didn't know what to say as he stared at his hand, fingers pressing into the fabric.

"No, George.." his raspy voice rang in his ears as they were still close together. "I-ngh." he groaned and pressed his eyes shut, sinking further against the wall.

His mind was clouded and he only could think of one thing. Was that his end? Was this how he'd die?

George wrapped his arms back around his neck, trapping his arm in between them. He was afraid. More than ever even though after all he's been through, he should be able to just leave him there and not look back.

"Please stop.." he whispered and hid his face in Clay's hoodie. He didn't know what to do. He felt helpless.

"I don't know what's going on but I am here.." he said and Dream was breathing heavily next to his ear. It hurt him too, to hear him like this. It hurt him that he was helping him after how much the man had pushed him down. But no matter what...

He still loved him after all...

"I'm so sorry, George." he said breathily. George could hear how hard it was to bring the words over his lips.

He didn't respond but hugged him tighter and prayed in his head for him to be ok.  
__________

"You sure got some explaining to do." the blonde heard a familiar voice when he slowly woke back up, his eyes fluttering open.

He had a bad headache and everything hurt. He could feel every single bone in his body resist to move with him, sore and tense.

" He just woke up, Sapnap.." George muttered but the dark-haired didn't care. Why would he after all? Dream had turned against them and send them through hell on earth.

"I want to break his fucking neck, George. Why the fuck are you so calm." he snarled and the other shot him a warning glare, both watching as their ex-best friend sat up, groaning at every nerve that protested against the motion.

"Just wait, damn it." he hissed back and they stayed quiet until Dream seemed to orientate and slowly realize where he was.

He was laying on a bed, comfortably tucked into a blanket and a pillow behind his head. He hadn't slept in weeks. If not months.

"Good morning, asshole." Sapnap spat out and George looked offended, his jaw dropping slightly.

Dream couldn't pay any attention to them, as badly as he wanted. His hand went back to its former place against his chest and he leaned forward, squeezing his eyes shut. Why was he still hurting?

George's expression changed into a worried one again and Sapnap looked at him out of the corner of his eyes, anger boiling in his veins. After all, he had done to George, he still was running back to him?

After a few moments of silence, Dream turned his head a little so he could somewhat look at them, his dirty blonde locks falling into his eyes.

Sapnap couldn't read any emotions out of them, staring back.

"So, what is it?" the dark-haired asked, a skeptical tone in his voice.

"My body-" Clay breathed out but his voice failed him. He couldn't say anything. He felt like a knife was slicing his throat.

"You come to us after everything because you're hurt?! Because you're in a little bit of pain?!" Sapnap yelled at him and slammed his hand on the table next to him, barely restraining his anger.

The exact moment he felt the fire in his stomach, Dream reached for air but he thought it was from the yelling. Then, with shaking hands he grabbed the hem of his clothes and pulled them over his head quickly, in a rush.

Sapnap didn't know what he was doing until George and he saw his bare torso.

They had seen it before, he had many scars. That was no secret. But right now large, fresh scars covered his back and chest, one specifically significant. It was on the left side of his chest. An ugly scar that stood out of his skin, white and terrifying.

However, that still wasn't what had them stunned. It was large, deep blue and violet bruises that also covered all of his chest, so dark, they seemed black in the darkest spots.

And they weren't caused by any human or animal. Both of the others could tell that. Nothing could ever give someone such a wound.

"What is that?" Sapnap asked, forgetting all of his emotions for a split second. Just seeing the blond's chest move looked incredibly painful.

"You." Dream whispered and had to hold himself up, leaning onto his arm.

They didn't understand. What did he mean, them?

"Every single one. All that you're feeling, it hurts." he said. It cost almost all of the strength he had left.

"What-... Why? How?" George asked overwhelmed by the image, his voice shaky as well. But even though they didn't like the thoughts, they started to understand. It slowly made a little bit of sense. Even if just a little.

Sapnap wanted to be angry. But right now he couldn't. He couldn't bring himself and that might be better, giving the circumstances that every bad emotion would hurt the dirty blond even more.

Pressing his lips together, the youngest forced himself to look at the other scars too. The one that seemed to be directly over his heart wasn't looking harmless as well. He would ask about it.

Ugly white lines traced the man's sides and stomach, some of them Sapnap knew, others he had never seen before. Some large, some smaller. Some that healed pretty well, some that looked like they'd rip any second.

No, he really couldn't be angry right now.

"Can we help?" George asked his hands in front of his mouth in shock.

"No."

The answer confused him and he took a glance at the younger one next to him before he approached the bed and sat down on the side of it.

"Then why did you come to me?" he asked and looked directly into his eyes.

"I wanted to see you one last time." he whispered.

Their both hearts dropped at the response and Sapnap turned away, clenching his jaw. The latter had thought he'd die there.

"When it hurts you, why did you do all of this?" he asked, not turning towards the blond. He couldn't.

"I was able to ignore it until it got too overwhelming. I wanted it to stop so bad." he whimpered and George let out a shaky breath. "It worked last time, I thought it would too now."

Last time?

Georges expression made the question obvious and Clay leaned further back, resting his back against the bed board.

"But last time it was just different. The people were different. You weren't here. I just couldn't destroy you."

The last sentence made the two smaller men shiver, the cold running down their back like a thousand needles. Destroy? Like, kill?

"You wanted to kill us?" George said unsure.

"I wanted to! God, I wanted so much. But I can't." he said loudly, pressing his eyes shut, feeling his chest hurt again.

A heavy silence filled the room and both George and Sapnap didn't know What to think anymore. This wasn't simple. Dream wasn't what he seemed to be.

"I-" he attempted to go further but couldn't.

"And those scars?" Sapnap finally asked and turned towards them again. "What about them?"

Dream turned his head and the younger pointed at the ones on his chest, the ones over his heart, where the spots seemed to be the darkest.

"I killed myself," he admitted, a wave of fear going through George's body at the words. He said it so monotone, so completely normal.

"I killed myself at least 10 times."

"Total?"

"No."

Dream said that word with a laugh in his voice, an arm covering his eyes. It looked like it was funny to him.

"No, no, no, no..! Just to pay for what I did to you." he went on and Sapnap felt sick to his stomach, swallowing the upcoming feelings quickly. "When it hurt the most."

"Then," George muttered, "How often did you?.."

"I don't remember. Maybe 100? 200? More? I really can't tell, I stopped counting." he said.

"What the fuck." Sapnap whispered. 200? More? When-

He looked up at the man. And this time he couldn't feel anything when he looked at him. For a moment he felt numb. Then shock and horror crept into his guts. Dream?

The man they had met in the forest completely alone with seemingly no home? The one they build this whole place together with? The one they spend the best moments with and the one who tortured them the most?

"We... We-we can fix this." George sobbed and looked at his hands, tears in his eyes. "We can help you."

Clay didn't reply.  
_________

Sapnap went to talk to the other SMP citizens, gathering them to tell them what was up. First, they didn't even want to listen to him but once he got to facts, none of them was left untouched.

Karl rubbed his hand uneasily over his throat, still seeing pictures of Dream standing over him flashing before his eyes. Just before he rammed the sword into his body, Karl could see his stone-cold eyes, narrowed to aim. Sapnap had ripped the mask off his face before.

His hands were shaking, hearing his own screams in his head, suffering. He had the urge to hide.

George was staying with Dream, silently sitting on the mattress while the man looked like he felt better, not afraid to sit up or move more. He had his hand on his leg, currently putting bandages around the hurt wrist and trying to be as careful as he could.

"George.. I'm so sorry." Clay said as the other finished.

"You already said that." he meant and put the rest of the bandages away, turning a last time to secure the white fabric with a small needle.

"George," he said again with more pressure behind his voice and the brunett looked up at him. "I'm sorry."

"..."

"I wanted to give it back to you." he attached and put his hand in George's, letting the ring fall onto his palm.

George froze, seeing the diamond again. He felt like his heart just skipped a beat.

Seconds went by that he stared at the jewelry, finally tears rolling down his cheek. He dropped his head forward, hearing Clay's sight, and felt his hand lay against his cheek. His thumb was gently rubbing circles into his skin and he leaned their foreheads together.

His fingers curled tightly around the ring and he started to turn it a little, just like before Dream had taken it from him.

George spoke up, looking down at his fingers. "I hate how I still love you." he said and got no answer.

"I hate that," he said and tried not to get emotional. "that no matter what you do I come back to you."

"I'm sorry." Dream apologized again.

"I don't even want to know what happened to whoever was here before me. What you did to them.." George thought about it. He tried imagining Dream killing all those people whenever it was too much for him. It made it all worse.

"What should I do now?" he whispered desperately and closed his eyes yet again, continuing to play with the ring between his fingers. It was all a big lie.

He received no answer or comment, just pure silence that filled the room as they sat so close. Minutes went by without one of them saying anything.

"Can we start again, please?"


End file.
